THE DRIVE
tomorrow I drive to San Diego for what will be the first of five weddings I'm attending in the next 10 weeks.
Yeah, five weddings: ten weeks.

HHS
I talked to a woman at the Department of Health and Human Services in Washington, DC today. At the end of our conversation, she said,
"Have a blessed day. Bye"

And my immediate thought was: 'a blessed day'? You can't say that, it's unconstitutional.

GO BUCKS
I can't wait to be a Dad.

emailed to me from my Dad.

BAD
This can't possibly end well:
"I gotta go. My boss wants us all to meet to go karoke"

NETFLIX
I love Netflix. It's like super-slow pay-per-view.

PORN
True Porn Clerk Stories is hilarious, well written and unsettling.
"Repeat offenders get a note on their file that says "LUBE WARNING". Management policy is that for $6.50 an hour, clerks should not have to deal with the bodily fluids of others."

from ev

THE WAR
Victory
The War is over. He bought a single roll of construction-paper-like toilet paper. Actually, I think he stole a roll from the taqueria 2 blocks away, but whatever...

KINGS
Is every restaurant owner given a copy of a Gypsy Kings CD upon receiving their food and beverage license?

OLD SCHOOL
Anil has been posting for three years.:

"Today marks three years (more or less) that I've been updating this site daily (more or less). It's helped me make friends, learn lots of new things, improve as a writer, advance my career, and get laid. Not bad for a hobby. Thanks for reading!"

Not bad, indeed!

BUNNY
This bunny is a blast.
from Mighty Girl

THE VERDICT
Being an alternate juror, I did not get to deliberate the case. This was a huge disappointment. I paid attention for eight days of testimony (eight days of focused attention!), then - when we finally get to discuss the case - I was sent packing.

BACKSTORY
The case sums up like this: A cab was trying to cross an intersection when it wasn't his turn. A sporty little Nissan, containing a young couple (to be married the next week), hit the cab at a 45 degree angle. The Nissan was doing about 20 mph. It was totally the cab's fault - nobody even argued that.

PLAINTIFF
With a terribly annoying lawyer, you're sunk. When you're suing for medical damages and you have a flaky, cheerleader-turned-chiropractor testify for you, your dead. When you want $1.1 million because you can't perform your traditional Polish folk dances or have sex, you're done before you start.

DEFENSE
They just had more money, a better lawyer, better professional witnesses, and (killer mover here:) the defense lawyer stated that he knew to a moral certainty that: "The members of this jury would never hold the color of someone's skin, their place of birth, or the God they worshiped against them." He used the man's Arab heritage to their advantage. Brilliant. It worked.

VERDICT
I wasn't there when it was read, but I saw a fellow juror on the street. The plaintiffs (the couple) wanted between $500,000 and $1,100,000 for medical, wages, pain, suffering, repairs, etc. The defense (the cab & cab company) said that, even if you bought the plaintiff argument, it was a $50,000 case at best.
They got $30,000 for some medical. That was it.

LESSON
If a jury feels you're wasting everyone's time - they'll kick you're ass.

MASON
I think I want to give my first child a middle name of either "and" or "the". So, if named after my folks, they'd be James And Mason or JoAnn The Mason. One sounds like a law firm and the other is just a conversation starter.

BOOKMARKS
Nick posted Mickey Kaus' bookmarks for political junkies. They're great.

THE WAR
Day 21
The War has been prolonged: The Roommate has moved to the cache of papertowels in the kitchen. I'm not-so-secretly glad I bought the cheapest brand CostCo had to offer - but there's 6 rolls left. I considered raising the white flag, but have recieved too many words of support to surrender. I will prevail.

PLEDGE
New Yorker Magazine asked actor/comedian Robin Williams about a court decision to remove "under God'' from the Pledge of Allegiance, he suggested just saying "one nation under Canada.''

Yes.

WWF
"In a damning condemnation of Western society's high consumption levels, (a study by the World Wildlife Fund) adds that extra planets, the equivalent size of Earth, will be required by the year 2050 as existing resources are exhausted."
The Observer.

What amazes me about this is not that I'm going to have to leave the Earth when I'm 81, or that "North Atlantic's cod stocks have collapsed from an estimated spawning stock of 264,000 tonnes in 1970 to under 60,000 in 1995", or even that WWF uses the terribly stupid WWW.PANADA.ORG as its URL.

What amazes me is the intelligent conversation going on in The Observer's discussion room associated with the article. They're discussing the Kyoto Protocol and atmospheric CO2 levels. Equivalent American discussion groups usually read like a Jerry Springer transcript.

THE WAR
Day 17: Still no TP
After seven straight months of buying all the toilet paper, I have decided to test my housemate's will. How long will it take him to buy one roll? Just one roll.

The bathroom has been bare for 17 days, with no respite in sight. I have a stash in my bedroom - I have no idea what he is doing.

ALIEN FISH
from CNN:
"The fish grow to lengths of three feet, can live out of the water for three days and are described being able to "walk" short distances on their fins"

Awesome!

The Man Has Never Owned A Christmas Tree
Last night, Judith mentioned this article from the National Journal's House Race Hotline.


<snip>
Michigan State Rep. William Callahan (D) on 7/8 "stirred up a firestorm of controversy" by "pointing to" Rep. Sander Levin's (D) "religious affiliation as a reason Levin should not be reelected." Callahan said Levin "is too different from Macomb County residents to be a good representative for them," and "specifically referred to Levin's liberal leanings and Jewish heritage." Callahan: "I mean, the man has never owned a Christmas tree. He's not a Christian. And I'm thinking, 'Jeez, how can he represent me then?'"

Later, Callahan clarified: "I am a Catholic who is pro-life and of Irish, Polish and German descent. He is very much pro-choice and Hebrew. Enough said."

Levin said he is "confident" voters will support him:
"I think that the issue of religious affiliation was put to rest in American political life 40 years ago by JFK"
</snip>

Apparently not.

SPELLING
I'd like to take this opportunity to invite Evan to bite my ass.
He wasn't bitching about my mint JULEPs as he was swigging' them down!

HOT
After pitchers" of mojito's on a hot summer day in San Francisco (miracle in itself), the M.I.T. Ph.D. from down-stairs, in a moment of girlish defense, says to the guy asking about national fiscal policy, says " HEY! I'M NOT THAT KIND OF ECONOMIST!"

NICK
Like The Economist or Benny Hill, sometimes it takes a Brit to frame an argument properly.

Sure, sometimes he's full of crap, but more often than not, he's on target.

THE SCOTTISH PLAY
Going to see MacBeth this weekend, I couldn't help but notice all the turns of phrase and common references the play has added to even today's everyday conversation.
But, I think there can still be more:

From now on, instead of saying,
Gimme a minute to get ready, I'm going to say:
"Let's briefly put on manly readiness"

Instead of saying,
Lighten up or Don't be such a killjoy, I'm going to say:
"You have displaced the mirth"

And instead of saying, Can you wait a minute, I'm gonna say,
"Avaunt! and quit my sight! let the earth hide thee."

TERRIBLE IDEA
A terrible idea: tequila scented liquid soap.

GOOD LIST
I love list humor.
The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The US Army.

[via MemeMachineGo!]

FAN MAIL
I think I'm a fake.

NO UN COURT
Bush is going to kill the Bosnia Peacekeeping mission, because of an objection to a permenant UN International Criminal Court (war crimes court). He negotiated hugely favorable terms for the US, 130+countries have signed off on the treaty creating it, and we're supposed to be currying favor with as many foriegn states as will support the USA's war on terrorism. This is short-sighted, narrowminded and isolationist.

Dude, he's a dumbass.

PROUD MARYS KEEP ON DRINKIN'
Gay Pride Week just ended here in San Francisco's Castro neighboorhood, the epicenter of gay. What struck me as odd was the way it felt much more like an average street fair and less a huge Gaytown Jamboree! Sure, there was plenty of crossdressing, leather and girl-on-girl/boy-on-boy action, but I can see that any day on the walk to work. The remarkable part was the large number of average, seemingly straight people there to enjoy some griddle cakes, draft beer and dancing in the streets. Like a Gay State Fair.