AN OPEN LETTER TO MY HAIR

People are so concerned about how things begin, but not how they end. One doesn't pay nearly the same level of attention to exiting a relationship as one does to wooing. If employees took the same pains upon leaving a position that they took to earn it, the world would be a better place.

And so, it is with this principle in mind that I say, "Goodbye, my Hair. It's been a great ride."

I remember the deal we made in 1992. We were working in Cleveland and someone mentioned that maybe they saw some scalp. I said, then and there, "Hair -- If you stick with me until I'm 30, you can go your own way. I won't fight you, if you just hold on. No matter the advances in science or efficacy of prayer -- I'll let you go." And Hair, you've been as good as your implied consent.

As I look to my own father for example, I can take heart. A Marine and a CPA, a good husband and a civic-minded citizen, his lack of hair has certainly never curtailed his ability to hold fast the things that are dear to him: family and beer. And Hair, I've found a smart, beautiful, sexy woman who has made me believe that she loves my cranial deforestation. Be it in earnest or just for my benefit, I love her for her a) convincing performance or b) very good sense to see the forest for the lack of trees.

It's been a blast, Hair, but we'd be fools to pretend that everything is the same between us. Times have changed and so have we. I think, frankly, you've just stopped growing. Thanks for all the memories.