IN BALI

Maggie and I took full advantage of the many spas in Bali. At one place, Maggie had a exfoliating-ginger-facial-thing and a hair-cream-thing while I got a massage.

A few minutes into my massage, the nice lady reached for the oil, and said in broken English, "Do you want spicy massage?"

"Sure," I said, figuring it would be some cinnamon-cayenne rub. She nodded and started to work on my legs. Then I realized that I'd just asked for a "spicy massage". In a foreign country. On my honeymoon.

I tried to come up with the right "No Bad Touch" phrase. Nothing leapt to mind. So, I asked, "How long does the spicy massage take?"

She answered, "An hour and a half."

"Oh, cause my WIFE is having a facial and she'll be done in an hour. I should meet my WIFE in an hour. We're on our honeymoon, you see."

"Oh, then you won't have time for the cinnamon bath."

"Nope." I don't think that was a euphemism, either.